The Out of Despair is the most dangerous out.
Navigating this Out incorrectly leads to difficulties with future changes – not just the change you are currently making.
This is rock-bottom. The darkness before the dawn.
Depression and Anger are similar responses – even through they look very different.
At the core, it’s a belief that you can’t change.
Depression is internal – frustration turned in on oneself. Giving up.
Anger is external – frustration turned outward. Banging your head against the wall. Raging against the change.
This is the final test of your why.
With any big change – the question that pops up as we grapple with internal and external challenges is “How badly do you want it?”
We need to set ourselves up for success. This period will stress-test your supports.
- Do you have mentors and guides? Are you leveraging their wisdom?
- Are you surrounded by cheerleaders?
- Is your environment providing a safe space to practice this change?
- Do you have access to the knowledge and skills you need to get through this?
Planning is powerful because it helps us make that dip shallower.
During planning, we recruit mentors, determine who our cheerleaders are, identify the skills we need to succeed, marshall our resources (material, financial, energetic), and mitigate as many risks as we could identify.
This is when we need to lean on and listen to our cheerleaders – and ignore the haters.
This is also when we need our coaches, therapists, guides and mentors the most. If you haven’t found mentoring and support before this point – NOW is the time to go find it.
The mentors and guides can tell you whether what you are experiencing is normal or if there is something going on that requires troubleshooting.
A good mentor or guide will help you through this “dark night.” They will provide encouragement based on their experience. They will lend a helping hand. They will identify potential adjustments to make your path smoother.
THIS is when all that planning and recruiting makes a difference.
The Out of Despair is the invitation to ask “How badly do you want it?” What is YOUR why? Is it strong enough to work through this?
If you feel that you have “hit bottom” – this is not the time to give up.
I find that when I am in the dip – I’m too far in the weeds to get an objective view of the situation.
Get a second opinion from your mentor/guide or someone whose advice you trust if you feel you are just banging your head against a wall.
If you need an objective ear and someone to help you through the “Out of Despair” that isn’t going to cost you an arm, a leg, and 3 months of your time, I am currently taking on new clients.
I also put together a list of my favorite life planning resources. Having a clear roadmap helps you to navigate through the “outs” and can make the dip shallower.