This is the book where William Ury, master negotiator, admits that it all starts from within you.
So much material on negotiation starts with how to manipulate others into doing your bidding.
Ury, in Getting to Yes with Yourself, flips it so that you go in with an idea of your “Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement” (BATNA). This way, you are not entirely reliant on specific others to get your needs met.
He realizes that negotiation, fundamentally, is about respect and relationship.
He realizes that the world will be better if we treated each other with respect and worked hard to establish strong, healthy, positive relationships with each other.
To do this, Ury recognizes, requires that we go into each of these negotiations ensuring we know what we deeply need, making it a point to learn what the other party deeply needs, and determining what it takes to meet those needs in a way that is beneficial to all involved as best as possible.
Sometimes, that most beneficial way is to be ready to fall back on your “BATNA.”
Fundamentally, the only person we can really control is ourselves. Attempts to control or “motivate” others do more to damage relationships than give you a “win.”
I’m glad Ury came to this conclusion and strongly emphasized the importance of how you go into a negotiation, not just how to “win” a negotiation.